#SWCO: Day 4

Star Wars!!!!

It's over.

I can hardly believe I'm actually typing those words right now.

It's really over. All these months of planning and anticipation... mentally and emotionally looking forward to it... paying for things in advance... this whole week of jarred sleeping patterns, line cutters, and feet worn to bloody stumps... it's- done.

Don't be silly, of COURSE I knew it was ending. I knew it was a finite experience. Celebration isn't a daily occurrence (though it definitely should be). And yet... when love is involved... what makes sense is rendered meaningless. I love Star Wars. And for four, long days I was surrounded by literally tens of thousands of people who- in varying degrees- carried that same love inside of them. That same passionate devotion, that same inner connection to this marvelous creation, that same indebted spirit to the inestimable man of all men... George Lucas.

This morning I woke up around 5:30. Another night passed in the downy bliss of sheets, pillows, and mattresses. Such a good night in fact, that I actually overslept a bit, if I'm honest. But it mattered not. I'd learned from the day before. I had only two things on the itinerary today- get into Mark Hamill's panel and get to the Closing Ceremony. Very simple. Leaving at 6am should satisfy both of those needs, for the simple fact that the night before was a Saturday night. This meant that a significant portion of attendees would likely be too... inebriated... to do anything so forward as awaken early for anybody's line. A fair number of people had to leave Sunday morning or afternoon as well, and all the Sunday only newcomers could only form a small percentage of viable contenders. No worries.

And for once I was right.

We caught a lyft to the convention center, strolled right through security, breezed through the Mark Hamill band line, circled back around and floated through the Closing Ceremony band line, and found ourselves back in the lobby with several hours to kill. Brilliant. The temptation to grab a few extra winks of sleep was definitely there, but the energy of the place was pulsing inside of me. My fanhood was buoyed up by my identity as a writer, and it was time and passed time to get some writing done. To take advantage of every hidden moment and, rathe than capitulate to the lowballing choice of pleasure via relief of pressure, I elected to take the route of pleasure from satisfaction.

So I wrote and wrote and wrote. A couple of hours crept by me, and when I lifted my head I heard sunlight calling me by name. So I answered. Propelled myself to these feet which had borne more than their share of the strain and struggle this week, and responded to the luminescent summons. Once outside I took several deep breaths and just felt the outside atmosphere. Let the energy of its atmosphere penetrate me. Charge me. Tune me back in to myself on a vastly more significant level. Ahhhh, there it is. Beauty. In recent years, I've come to respect the beauty of "outside," and firmly believe that any amaurosis in that regard means we've fallen away into a dangerous, disconnected and disempowered place in life.

The beauty of outside captivated me.
I wrote until it was time to return back inside.

The first panel began at 1pm, so there was ample time to do the one thing we hadn't quite had the time to do for all of Celebration- take pictures! Sure I'd snapped some here and there, but mostly OF things. Not really any with me in them. So we traveled the opposite end of the showroom, looking at exhibits, talking to creators, and posing extravagantly before exceptionally artistic backgrounds. I paid extra attention to the newcomers exulting in the bubbling glory, soaking in their amazement and appreciation. I focused on breathing in this magnificent place, pushing away all awareness that it was coming to an end, yet tasting every minute portion with a greater sweetness because of it.

Yet no matter how much I didn't want any of this to end... I knew it was going to. I was going to be at work back on Tuesday. With my students. And... they would... ask what I had gotten them. Which meant I needed to have something to give. So I began my hunt. 14 students in my class, and a limited budget, meant I was going to have to strike quite the deal. Eventually I found a small booth selling pins (the kind you wear) in discount when you purchased them in groups. Perfect. I selected the ones I thought they'd like most and continued on my merry way. It was about 12:30 by now. Time to head over to the Celebration stage and see what this queue situation was looking like.

It was pretty average. That is to say- it was a moderately contained madhouse of rabid devotees already camped out in the upstairs room.

My people!

Thank the Almighty Lord that this floor was carpeted. Made the wait wonderfully easier and deliciously more pleasant. In no time at all, the crew members had us all back on our feet marching like one big, happy, Star Wars lovesick, military family to the balcony section for seating. Lovely.

It may be of interesting note to the reader that this room's size FAR exceeded that of the others we had been in. So, while I do contend that the 40th Anniversary special could only have been done where it was in order to preserve that intimate feeling, The Last Jedi panel definitely could have benefited from being hosted in this gigantic, multi-tiered room. Not sure why they didn't do that...

The host with the most MARK DANIEL! was on stage doing his thing. Warming us up for a few minutes, before bringing out the Celebration's main host Warwick Davis. Warwick shared stirring words and a touching story on the incredibly selfless and warm nature of Mark Hamill and then, without further ado, the New Hope himself was brought onto the stage to nothing less than the standing ovation he deserved. For an hour he delighted us with storied renditions from his long reaching actor's history in the worlds of both voiceover and onscreen. One thing I can fearlessly say about Mr. Hamill is that he is a class act all the way through. His humility and love for his work and for the fans shines through his every word and gesture. One other thing showed exceptionally clearly to me too throughout these last four days...

Mark is an old man. A very old man. It makes my throat tighten and my breath catch just thinking about it, so I won't dive into it. But he's an old man, and even though I only love him more and more I know that one day... I will only be able to love his memory.

He concluded our precious time together with a Q&A session and then a giveaway for one lucky person who had a ticket taped to the bottom of their seat to go and get a free autograph from him. And do you know that he had laryngitis just yesterday? And that despite that, he STILL did a good portion of his signing and rather than secrete himself in recovery, he used what bit of restored health he had to come and do this panel with us? AND that he told us none of that himself? Not a peep about any of it, aside from a brief aside about his throat being too weak to do the Joker voice for us. But that was it!

Class. Act.

The music struck.
He bowed.
We filed out.
But there was literally nothing else to do.
So we looped back around (surprise, surprise right?) and lined back up in the Closing Ceremony queue.

And so began to end our sweet time here in much the same way we had started it.

In a line...
On the floor.
That's what's up.

Time wheezed and stretched out of focus, before snapping back into hyper reality with a jolting thump. Had that already been an hour? Scary. We filed out of the queue room, down a hallway, rode down the escalator, hung a left, and proceeded into the final room of Star Wars Celebration. We managed to find a couple seats on the second row to park ourselves in.

And without further ado... the show began.

It was almost an elegant dance at this point. The familiar ballroom twirl from your favorite romance, that you know step for step from sheer virtue of having seen it so many times. Mark Daniel and DJ Elliot were at the peak of their powers, delivering rapid fire, high octane entertainment as the event surged toward its grand finale. Warwick Davis, exceptional host of the entire Celebration, was brought onstage. He shared his heart and his appreciation. Then he flipped our attention to the other stages, where simultaneous farewells were being broadcast. They went on like that for several minutes- rotating between the different stages, each with different hosts and a giant chunk of attendees in their background. Finally we were the hosting stage once more. We were shown The Last Jedi trailer once more on that larger than life screen. They played two touching videos reflecting on the collective time had at Celebration and all of the highlights.

And then... the dreaded moment.

The lights came back on. Warwick thanked us profusely and then emphatically wished us well and told us he'd see us next time. Thank you and goodbye.

Cheers. Pounding music. I teleported myself to the very front and caught Mark's eye. We shook hands, always glad to see each other, looking forward to the next time. I felt myself wanting to linger, but having nothing to linger to do or anyone to linger and speak to. I was choking on it. The knowledge that this was my last time in this room, in this space. Because it wasn't about the physical room right? It was about that immaterial dwelling of the soul, that invisibly binding castle of hearts that can only be entered by those surrendered to the powers of true love.

Love.

That's what we mean when we say Star Wars.
We mean love.

Feet on automatic pilot, I found myself outside all too soon. Heading across the campus grounds, traveling that familiar route back to the hotel. But- no. Wait. I just... wait.

I stopped.
Turned around.
And let this final, epic scene play out for me one last time.

Groups of family strangers taking pictures with one another...

Hundreds of adults dressed up as their favorite Star Wars characters...

Hundreds of kids proudly owning their part in this great legacy...

The giant banners of this life changing saga looking down on us...

I had to walk away from it.

But I couldn't.

This was life for me.

These were my people.

This was my tribe.

My throat tightened and at first I couldn't figure out why. This wasn't my first Celebration. And although I'm still not clear... I'm tearing up even as I write this... I believe it's simple... We spend so much of our lives fighting to be ourselves and to find our people, because we know that if we can find our people, the burden to instantly and unfalteringly be ourselves will be alleviated. The right community is ultimate healing for the deepest ailments of the soul.

I didn't want to leave my tribe.

But I had to.

Because it was over.

And suddenly I understood why Obi-Wan had to say what he said.

"Although I am leaving... the Force will be with you... 

Always."

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